Things I Do Not Wish to Know

December 5th, 2012

Ours is an age of information. You can find out pretty much whatever you want to know whenever you want to know it, just by typing a few words into a search engine. I’m glad: it makes writing novels much easier. But it occurred to me recently that all knowledge is not helpful and that there are some cases where ignorance still is bliss.  So here–in no particular order–is my list of the top ten things I’d just as soon NOT know, thank you very much.

Whoa--keep it to yourself.

Whoa–keep it to yourself.

1. How many insect body parts I consume–unwittingly–in the course of a year.

2. Where my waste goes after I flush the toilet–which I prefer to think of as my “magic disappearing machine.”

3. How many calories are in a slice of veggie pizza. Or in a handful of potato chips. Or in a brownie. Actually, I don’t want to know the caloric content of anything I eat.

4. How many hours a day I spend wasting time on the Internet versus how many hours I spend actually writing.

5.  Whether or not it’s ethical to put a piece of fruit back in the supermarket display after you’ve dropped it on the floor.

6.  What kind of sex life my parents had.

7.  What the dog ate just before I kissed his face.

8.  What my daughter and her friends talk about when they’re alone.

9.  What I look like naked. (Damn you, hotel bathroom mirrors.)

10. What day it is. I know it’s closer to the end of the year than I think: I don’t need details.

Got any of your own?