The Ten Reasons I'm Not Getting Anything Done Today

April 23rd, 2012

1.  The dog is sitting on my lap and it’s very uncomfortable and my butt hurts so much I can’t focus on anything.  But he’s asleep and you’re not allowed to move if there’s a pet sleeping on you.  I think it’s a law.  My lap.

2.  My daughter came home “sick” today and is listening to loud music and singing along.  Every once in a while she stops singing long enough to tell me she “still feels really sick.”  Uh-huh.

3.  The cat keeps coming downstairs and meowing, and because we have a dysfunctional relationship, I know that once the dog wakes up, I’m going to have to carry the cat to the litter box and wait up there with him until he goes.  The ultimate killer of any momentum.

4.  I’d rather drink coffee and eat homemade Twix bars than try to figure out how to get this new idea off the ground.  The first few chapters are hard.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I’d rather drink coffee and eat homemade Twix bars than do pretty much anything else. I’ve already gone back to the kitchen about five times for refills of both.  And as soon as this friggin’ dog wakes up, I’m going back for sixths.

5.  My friends are being funny on Facebook, and it’s so much easier and more entertaining just to hang out with them there than stare at Microsoft Word wishing I knew how to make this thing work.

6.  It’s dark and rainy and cool and it would be so nice to curl up in bed with a junky book.  Then the dog could sleep on top of me without my butt hurting.

7.  I should really finish cleaning up the kitchen.  That’s Job Number One.  But I don’t want to clean the kitchen.  But how can I convince myself to write (Job Number Two) when I haven’t completed Job Number One?  Better to ignore all demanding tasks and waste time than think about everything I SHOULD be doing.

8.  I don’t wannnnnnnnaaaaa work.

9.  Did I mention the thing about my butt hurting?  Because it’s hurting even more now.

10. I’ve lost my focus.  I think I left it somewhere in the nineties. Oh, look, there’s something shiny over there!  What should we have for dinner tonight?  Something smells funny in the house.  I think my throat is starting to hurt.  I wonder how I’d feel if I saw a hologram of someone I loved who’d died.  Why do adults like kale so much more than kids?  If you squeeze your butt muscles when you’re sitting, you can raise yourself up like an inch.  These mosquito bites are really itchy.  I am definitely getting a cold.  Socks are nice.

Well, that’s enough work for now!  Time for more Twix bars.  Except there’s this dog on my lap.