Best Holiday Gifts Ever!

December 13th, 2008

Solutions for All Your Gift-Giving Needs

Struggling to find the right gift for that special someone in your life?  Hoping to rein in your spending this year?  Worried that a fun gift won’t be practical and a practical gift won’t be fun?  Then give the gift that’s all things to all people: a copy of one of my books!

“But no one in my life reads these kinds of novels except me,” you say in protest.  Ah, but that’s where you’re not thinking this through.  A neat, small paperback can serve so many functions.  Sure, people can read it–no one’s going to stop them–but think of all the other ways they can use each and every one of the novels and non-fiction books I’ve written (available online and at your local bookstores).

1.  Origami kit for the creative kid in your life.   Sure, you could buy those expensive toy store versions, with the fancy designs and high prices, but do you really want to drop twenty bucks on some paper?  Any one of my books provides hundreds of sheets of good-quality paper, perfect for folding into swans, frogs, and cups (maybe don’t drink out of those–lord knows what the ink is made out of). 

2.  A novel makes an excellent single-serving trivet.  Piping hot bowl filled with delicious chicken soup coming out of the microwave?  Put that baby on top of Same as It Never Was and no harm will come to the finish on your kitchen or diningroom table.

3. And speaking of tables . . . is yours wobbling a bit?  Nothing like a slim paperback novel (The Smart One and the Pretty One is the perfect choice) slipped under the shorter leg to make everything shipshape and tight as can be.

4.  Cat tunnel.  Love that special cat in your life?   Buy two or four copies of Overcoming Autism and lean them against each other in a triangular pattern, creating a tunnel underneath.  Your cat will love running through, especially if you put a little treat at one end.  (Works for rodents and teacup pups too!)

5.  Got a relative who’s too short but doesn’t like to admit it?  Don’t insult him or her with something as obvious as a stepladder: a short pile of books bound together will give him the boost he needs without hurting his feelings (and costs much less than a fancy stool!).  Don’t be surprised if he starts carrying it everywhere he goes!

6.  Teach your boyfriend or husband to “read between the lines.”  Write him a passionate love note on pages torn out of one of my books, squeezing your words in between the text.  And to really get him in the mood, I suggest using page 211/212 of The Smart One and the Pretty One.

7.  Mantelpiece decoration.   The martini cover of Knitting under the Influence will bring a party mood to  any living room.  Buy lots so your gift recipient can put out a whole row of them–it’ll be the most festive looking fireplace in town!

8.  Back pillow.  My husband carries an inflatable little pillow everywhere he goes for extra back support.  But a book is far less obtrusive and invalid-y, and still provides that crucial lumbar support when slipped between a chair and its sitter.

9.  Fly Swatter (my 8-year-old supplied this one).  I think it’s self-explanatory.   Give this to your relatives who live by ponds or lakes.

10.  Yule Log–nothing burns brighter than a well-written novel, except a dozen of them!

There you go: ten wonderful choices for gift-giving this holiday season.  Your work is done and, come Christmas morn or Chanukah eve, you can just bask in the gratitude of your loved ones.   

No need for thanks–I do it out of love.