After I sent the kids off to school today in their various costumes (a Toddler in a Tiara, a Professor Plutonium, a zombie accountant–why? because), I started thinking about our most memorable Halloween moments.
1. Most inadvertently heavy costume: Johnny just reminded me that the year we made him into a praying mantis for Halloween (sixth grade, maybe?), I stuffed his big green mandibles or whatever they are (he was the bug expert, not ME, clearly) with old house rags, because I was too lazy to go to the fabric store to buy batting. Which wouldn’t have been that bad except that it RAINED Halloween night and the rags (mostly terrycloth) absorbed all of the water and by the end of the night, he was struggling to get from house to house, because of the huge weights dragging him down on both sides.
2. Saddest Halloween: also a Johnny memory. (How this guy has ended up reasonably happy and well-adjusted is beyond me.) He was so sick he could barely move–the flu. But it was HALLOWEEN and he desperately wanted to trick-or-treat. So he dragged himself out of bed, we dosed him with Advil, and he wearily put on whatever costume he’d picked out when he was still healthy (pirate, maybe?). He and his dad headed out and barely lasted four houses before he begged to come back home and go to bed. This was only the beginning of his tendency to get sick for important events.
3. Most loved Halloween costume: this one goes to Annie. When she was so tiny it still seemed impossible that those little feet could support the big head at the top of her little body, she fell in love with a Tinkerbell costume at the Disney store. It was too small for her even then, but it was the only one left and she was mad for it, so we got it. She had to wear it over tights or leggings because it barely covered her tiny little butt. But, fine, it’s Halloween, whatever . . . She CLUNG to that dress for another solid year, begging to wear it whenever and wherever she could. It got steadily smaller and smaller until I had to insist she be fully dressed underneath, but even when it was barely a shirt, she wanted to wear it.
4. Worst Halloween costume: this is a tie among any costume we ever bought that had a mask. Masks suck. The kids look at them in the store and think, “this is great,” but they don’t like to wear them and end up ripping them off and running around in a cheap nylon robe you realize you basically paid 50 bucks for.
5. Best costume I’ve ever worn: I went to a Halloween thing as a zombie version of myself. I wore my regular clothes, whitened my skin, darkened the circles under my eyes and heightened my cheekbones. I’ve never looked better.
6. Favorite Halloween accessory: a necklace that made it look like I had a bloody scar across my neck. Lost now, of course. I can’t keep track of anything.
7. Cutest costume ever: see for yourself–