Claire LaZebnik

“A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.”  Woody Allen, Annie Hall

Woody may have been talking about his romantic life, but this quote also works for writing.

Trying to get something published usually leads first and foremost to a lot of rejections. I’m sure there are some authors who hit a homerun first time at bat (look at me, using a baseball metaphor!  I’m so proud of myself!  I have no idea what that even means!), but most of us submit and submit and get told  over and over again that our work shows a lot of potential but it’s not right for people’s “lists”–or whatever the golden standard of rejection letters is these days.

This process of submission and rejection (whether it’s to agents or to editors, with the help of an agent) can take months, sometimes even years.  Yes, it’s part of the process and all you need is one person to love your manuscript, but it’s still painful and tedious and frustrating.  So how do you keep from going crazy?

By moving forward.  Like a shark.  Like a shark that writes fiction.

Start a new project.

The moment I send something off, I’m thinking about the next project.  That’s what’s helped me survive many years of rejections and long waiting periods: I’m always working on something.

Here are the advantages to doing that:

1.  you’re not sitting by the phone waiting.  You’re busy and distracted.

2.  you’ll have something else to send out if the first one never finds a publisher.

3.  you’ll become so emotionally engaged in the new idea that the rejections of the old one will be less painful.

4.  you won’t lose hope, because even if they didn’t like the last one, maybe they’ll love THIS one.

5. practice may not make perfect, but it usually makes you better.  This book may well be stronger than the previous one.  And the next one stronger still.

6. writing is fun, so you should just keep doing it.  And nothing’s more fun than starting with a brand-new idea.  The possibilities are endless–and you don’t feel like you’ve screwed anything up yet.

So if you’re trying to get an agent (or waiting to hear back from editors), don’t obsess about what’s going on with people you can’t control: control your life by sitting down and sketching out a new idea.  (Or stand up and do it–it’s better for your back.)

Just keep moving forward.  No one wants a dead shark.  They’re big and stinky.

And, finally, a reminder: I’ll be talking with Marla Miller (from Marketing the Muse) on Book Candy TV on Thursday evening.  Here’s the info for joining in–and I hope you do!  We’ll be talking about writing and publishing and I’m eager to answer any questions you might have.

DATE: JANUARY 12th, 2011
TIME: 6:00PM Pacific / 9:00PM Eastern

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If you’re one of those people who dream of getting published some day, here’s some of the true-life changes you can look forward to when that day comes (which of course it will, if you follow my writing tips!  :))  (Discovery of the day: putting a smiley face within a parenthesis doesn’t really work.)

Okay, so, without further ado:

THE WAYS THAT BEING A PUBLISHED AUTHOR CHANGE YOUR LIFE

(in no particular order):

1.  You peer at other people’s reading material on airplanes and in hotels.   Guess how often I’ve stumbled on someone reading one of my books?  I’d say roughly . . .  zero times.  But if I were Stieg Larsson (and alive), I’d be so stoked on every airplane flight!

2.  You feel a funny clenching sensation in your stomach when you walk into bookstores.  Maybe it’s just me, but bookstores aren’t as relaxing as they were before I’d gotten something published.  There’s the whole, “Are they even stocking any of my books?” issue, which usually leaves me worried and fretful and–in one memorable case–so disappointed that I ruined an entire vacation day with my bad mood, but that’s the Day that Must Not Be Discussed in our family.  And then there’s the bitter, “Everyone’s doing so damn well” feeling of seeing other people’s books on prominent display.  Not that I’m the envious type.  Not at all.  Hardly a bit.  Well, maybe a little.  Grrr.

3.  Forget about vacations.  Or weekends.  Or holidays.  If you have a deadline hanging over you, you’re going to work whenever and wherever you can.  We were just at a family reunion over the holidays and I had to beg out of all the museum trips and football games to go work in my hotel room because I had to hand something in on December 22nd.  Could I have worked harder in the days leading up to the reunion in anticipation of the deadline?  Don’t be silly.  That’s crazy talk.

4.  You can play hooky.  Unless you’re one of those writers who has a daily output (“500 words and then I’m done”)–and I am NOT one of those writers–the amount you get done on any given day is going to vary so who’s going to know if you spent all day fretting over a couple of sentences or ducked out to go to a matinee of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?  (Damn it, there goes Stieg again, co-opting all the attention.)

5.  You will discover that there are times when you just can’t get anything done.  I often think about how different my life would be if I had the kind of job where you have to show up at a certain time and perform a certain task and then go home again at a certain time.  There are days when I want to write, I know I should write, I have time to write . . . and I can’t get anything done.  Usually it’s when I haven’t been sleeping (I’ve got insomniac tendencies).  But sometimes it’s just like the creative part of my brain has decided to go on hiatus for a little while.  Nothing’s working.  Nothing’s flowing. I feel like something’s frozen up there.  It’s frustrating.  And it means it’s a good day to do the laundry.

6.  Everyone assumes that he can do what you do–and do it better.  You tell people you work in a jet propulsion lab and they’re all, “Wow, that’s incredible, you’re amazing.”  You tell people you write books, and they’re all, “Oh, yeah, I’m working on a novel too.”  Admittedly, the rocket scientist is well educated in his field and anyone CAN sit down and write . . . but still.  Don’t go into this field if you want to impress people.

7.  You feel like you’re not doing enough.  There is always something more you could be doing when you’re a writer: more editing, more brainstorming, more networking, more blogging, more tweeting . . .

8. You get to write books.  That’s the good part, pure and simple.

Here’s a link to a video made by an enthusiastic fan who cast the entire book with current stars (some of whom I’ll admit I hadn’t heard of before–but they all looked pretty good to me–thanks, Jessikerr2011, whoever you are!)

Who would you cast if the book were made into a movie?

Respond in the comments section if you feel like it!

Want one about something specific?

Me, writing. Glamorous, no? Note the fogged-up glasses . . .

If you have any questions about the writing process (well, about MY writing process at any rate), feel free to write in with them, either as a comment on this post or in an email through the contact page.  I always like the Q and A part of speaking–it’s so much more fun to engage in a dialogue than to feel like you’re talking AT people.  So please pepper me with questions.

And if you want a more immediate response, remember that I’ll be doing another Book Candy TV video chat next Thursday (the 12th) at 6 pm PST, 9 pm EST.  Then I can answer your questions in real time.  But if that doesn’t work out for you, I’ll be checking in here.

Finally, don’t forget that you can still buy the e-book version of Knitting Under the Influence for 1.99.  Such a bargain.

Hmm . . . maybe I should write about procrastination next.  I’m not saying that it’s a problem for me, just that I’ve maybe spent a wee bit more time on Facebook and here today than might have been best for my career . . .

Entertain yourself.

You know how I know when I’m writing something bad?  When I’m bored writing it.  If time slows down to a crawl and every word feels laborious and I’m yawning and fidgeting . . . chances are I’m writing crap.

If, on the other hand, I can feel my own expressions shifting with the emotions and words of the characters and I’m writing faster and faster because I’m eager to know what happens next–if, in other words, the act of writing a novel parallels the act of reading a good one, where you’re invested in what’s happening and where it’s going and feel surprise and delight as you go along–then I’m pretty confident I’m writing something decent.

A novel doesn’t have to move from A to B to C in perfect order, with each story point clarified and spelled out. Sometimes it’s okay to make a leap from A to C, especially if nothing about B seems particularly captivating.  If you’re thinking, “I have to describe what happens next.  It’s a little boring but it needs to be there,” then step back and think about whether you can skip ahead and fill in details later.

I’m not saying that every page in a novel has to be filled with humor, sex, and wild emotions, or that it always has to hurtle along, action-filled.  There are beautiful, still, quiet moments in many novels that are captivating.

I’m just saying that if you’re boring yourself, you’re probably on the path to boring others.

And now I’m getting repetitive and dull, so I’m just going to

If you have an e-reader and haven’t yet read Knitting Under the Influence (the first novel I published with Grand Central/5 Spot), there’s a deal going on now where you can buy it for just $1.99.

Hours of reading pleasure for only $1.99!

Knitting Under the Influence is a romantic, fast-moving novel about three young women in Los Angeles who get together regularly to knit and talk and support each other as they struggle with life’s moral ambiguities and the careers and relationships that never seem to fall into place the way they expect.  Publisher’s Weekly wrote, “LaZebnik juggles periods of personal crisis while maintaining her characters’ complex individuality. Social knitters, especially, will relate to the bond that strengthens over the click-clack of the girls’ needles.”

These days, a buck ninety-nine can’t even buy you a latte, so you might as well spend it on an entertaining book that will keep you amused during these endless winter evenings.  (Is it just me or is the sun basically going down right around lunchtime these days?)

And stay tuned for my last Book Candy TV video chat, scheduled for January 12th, at 6 pm PST, 9 pm EST (see, we listened to those of you who complained that 11 was too late!).  This one should be pretty cool–Marla Miller of “Marketing the Muse” fame will be on with me to ask me questions about my writing process–and of course anyone who joins us online gets to ask questions too.  If you’re interesting in writing (or just in writers), put in on the calendar and come join us.  More on that soon.

And more writing tips to come shortly.

This one’s going to be short, both because I have a deadline zooming up and because there’s no reason to make it long.

If you don’t already own one, get yourself a copy of The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White (of Charlotte’s Web fame)–a book that’s often referred to simply as “Strunk and White” by those who already know and love it.

Get it, and then read it.  Cover to cover.  You’ll find more good advice in there about grammar and how to write  a strong, vigorous sentence than in all the creative writing workshops in the nation.  Strunk and White stress clarity above all else, so grammar rules make sense–they’re only there to make writing a clear sentence that much easier.

Honestly, it’s a terrific little book, packed with useful information.  And there’s a gorgeous recent edition illustrated by the brilliant Maira Kalman, if you want to give it as a gift or need pretty pictures to stay awake when you’re reading.

And while you’re acquiring books about writing, you might as well grab a copy of Stephen King’s On Writing, which is smart, practical, and inspiring.  (His first novel really was rescued from the slush pile.)

I can’t think of any tools–other than my laptop, which is more like a child to me than a tool–seriously, I kissed it the other day–okay, that was weird, and I was doing it tongue in cheek, plus I’m very tired and not responsible for my actions–but the point is, I really do love it a lot and couldn’t live without it at this point–I mean, I could, but I don’t want to–

Where was I?–oh, right, I can’t think of any tools that have helped me more as a writer than these two books.  I’m not a fan of reading about writing in general: as I said earlier, I think the best way to become a good writer is to read good books.  But these are good books.  Ones that just happen to be about writing.

Don’t listen to the voice in your head.

I’m not talking about the one that’s telling you to “go ahead and get that mocha latte with whipped cream on it–you’ve had a rough morning and you deserve it” (although, frankly, it might be a good idea to ignore that one too), I’m talking about the one that keeps up an endlessly negative monologue when you’re trying to write.

I don’t care what age you are, how ambitious you might be, whether you’re writing an essay on How I Spent My Summer Vacation or working on the Great American Novel–odds are good you have a critical voice in your head telling you that the words you’re putting down just aren’t good enough.

I’ve written/published six novels and I still can’t silence the self-doubting monologuist who lives in my brain.  While I’m tip-tapping on my laptop keyboard, I hear a constant drone that goes pretty much like this: “That sounds lame.  Would the character really say that?  You’ve completely dropped the theme of this book.  And what happened to the plot line you were supposed to be developing here–you just ignoring that one?  Stiff, awkward, unrealistic . . .  This sucks.  This really sucks.  You should go back and start again.  Or better yet, just give up and make cookies.”

Mmm.  Cookies.

This voice is, to say the least, distracting.  Worse, it’s disruptive to the creative process.  It can bring you to a crashing halt as you sit at the desk filled with doubt and uncertainty, wondering whether to scrap everything and start over or just start slashing and burning.

The good news is, I’ve figured out to deal with it.  I don’t argue–because that voice is a much better arguer than I am (and, in all honesty, usually has a point–my writing is often sloppy).  I simply ask it to hold off for the moment.  ”Just let me keep moving forward,” I say  ”That’s all that matters right now.  It doesn’t have to be good yet. I just want to end the day with some pages.  Making those pages good will be my future job.”

Learning to push the criticism away is probably the main reason I’ve been able to write the number of novels I have.  My first priority is to get through a draft.  And I do, because I know I can and will go back later and fix anything I’m not happy with.

The critic inside my head will never completely leave me.  It’s always there, whether I’m writing or looking in a mirror or reviewing my mothering decisions for the day.  But it can be shoved aside and temporarily silenced with”You may have a point, but I don’t feel like listening to it now.”

And nothing matters more if you want to be a writer than actually getting words onto a page.  Nothing.

Since I’m feeling the holiday crunch (and have a deadline looming that I’m so not prepared for), I don’t have time for lots of long posts and figured I’d keep in touch with some daily (optimistic?  we’ll see) short writing tips, culled from the kinds of questions I get asked at readings and talks.

Here’s today’s:

What do I think is the best way to learn how to write?

An excellent question, Claire.

Thank you, Claire.

The best way to become a better writer is by reading good books.

When I was in college, I was already pretty sure I wanted to write, so I thought about being a creative writing major, which was an option–you take lots of writing classes and your senior year you write something original for your thesis.  It sounded like a good way to jumpstart a writing career.

Then I took a writing workshop class and hated it–there I was, stuck in a room with a bunch of other kids my age, reading each other’s mediocre, melodramatic teenage scribblings.  What was the point?  I didn’t see a lot of learning opportunity there.  Just a lot of backscratching.

So instead I became an English literature major and I’ve never regretted it.  I spent four years reading Dickens, Austen, Bronte, Defoe, Shakespeare, Richardson  . . . I could list a lot more but I’d have to get up and look at my bookshelves because I have no memory and there’s a dog sleeping on my lap and anyway I’m too lazy to get up right now.  You get the point, anyway.  Every book I read taught me that much more about what works, how to keep a story moving, how to create a character, how to write a well-crafted sentence . . .

To this day, I’m in awe of anyone who tells a good story, one that you can’t put down, or that can make you laugh out loud or bring tears to your eyes.  I admire authors who have clever ideas and unexpected plot twists and ones who write in clear, active sentences.  When I’m feeling at my most frustrated with my own writing–”Why isn’t this clearer?  Why does this part feel boring?  Why can’t I find a better way to say this?”–I pick out a favorite old book, something that’s kept me entranced through countless readings and I read it again and it’s like taking a quick class in How to Make A Book Good.  My favorites aren’t all by famous dead people, either–there are tons of authors writing today who are inspiring and whose books continue to teach me how to write better.

Read if you want to write.

here’s the link to it.

To recap: Rob is my husband and he’s a writer on The Simpsons.

I’m a simple country girl who has found fame, fortune and true love through my extraordinary tapdancing skills.

(Disclaimer: only some of the above is true.)

Together, we make video chatting history on Book Candy TV.  So watch us discuss our marriage, our writing, how our writing affects our marriage and how our marriage affects our writing.  We also answer some pretty weird questions.  One participant was a little obsessed with my shower cap.  Someone else was a little obsessed with my husband.  It’s all uncomfortable in a GOOD WAY.  Also see my daughter and my sister briefly wave their hands at the camera. And note how awful the lighting is on me: I’m sort of this weird ghoulish purple color.  I’m like Radioactive Girl, without the superpowers.

Once it’s over, you’ll know more about me than you ever wanted to.  I mean that literally.

And now indulge me with one more sales pitch for the upcoming holidays:

Families and Other Nonreturnable Gifts is about loving and resenting the people who know you best.  What better way of saying, “It’s the holidays,” than that?

And Epic Fail continues to be loved by those who read it.  Don’t take my word for it.  Click over to the page and check out the comments.  They’re pretty enthusiastic.  And ninety-nine percent of them are written by people who aren’t my daughter!