Tra-la! It’s May! The lusty month of May! That lovely month when–
Oh, shut up.
I’m sorry. I have no grievance against you, May. You’re a lovely month, what with the blossoms and the balmy weather and the little puppies and . . .
Oh, my God, I just realized–it’s almost JUNE.
I just have too much to do right now–so much that even though a lot of it is perfectly pleasant, I’m still looking at the weeks ahead and wishing the days away. For one thing, I have three kids “graduating” from various schools (I’m putting graduation in quotation marks because only one is high school; the other two are elementary and middle schools and whenever I refer to those as graduations, I think of Mr. Incredible’s wonderful rant–”It is not a graduation! He will be moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade. . . .They keep inventing new ways to celebrate mediocrity”). There are more events connected to these three milestones than you could imagine were possible.
But before we even reach those, we have the end-of-the-year musical performances. This week, I’ll be sitting in a school auditorium five separate times, for somewhere between an hour and two hours, alternating between cold-sweat terror when my kids are onstage and total boredom when they’re not.
Um . . . not that other people’s kids aren’t wonderful and talented and adorable and all that. They totally are and when I say “boredom,” I really mean, “enthusiastic enjoyment.”
Phew. Saved that one.
I know, I sound all Scroogey, except it’s not Christmas. We need a word for a late-spring Scrooge, for someone who frowns at soft breezes, shakes his fist at the sun, and doesn’t see what’s so great about tossing away those bulky coats and sweaters. I’m willing to sacrifice myself to the cause: I could be a good springtime Scrooge. My first name is too normal and my last name is too difficult to pronounce, so maybe we could combine them: “Click?” “Cabnik?” “Clabnik”? Oh, I like Clabnik. That’s sort of Dickensian.
Okay, so if you’re like me, just feeling overwhelmed by everything you need to do before you get to summer vacation, feel free to tell the next person who says, “Don’t you just love this time of year?” “Not really. But don’t mind me. I’m a total Clabnik.”
Maybe it will catch on.
Oh, and there’s LESS THAN ONE WEEK LEFT to get the e-book of EPIC FAIL for only $2.99. Do it now, or regret those unsaved dollars forever.